Violence between couples is usually calculated, and does not result
from loss of control
October 19th, 2009 in Other Sciences / Social Sciences

Violence between couples is usually the result of a calculated
decision-making process and the partner inflicting violence will do so
only as long as the price to be paid is not too high. This is the
conclusion of a new study by Dr. Eila Perkis at the University of
Haifa. "The violent partner might conceive his or her behavior as a
'loss of control', but the same individual, unsurprisingly, would not
lose control in this way with a boss or friends," she explains.

In this new study, carried out under the supervision of Prof. Zvi
Eisikovits and Dr. Zeev Winstok of the University of Haifa's School of
Social Work, Dr. Perkis examined intimate violence based on the fact
that in most cases the offending partner is a law-abiding individual
living a normative life outside of the family unit. Dr. Perkis says
that in most cases the couple continues living together and sustaining
a shared family unit, so it is important that we learn to understand
the dynamics of such partnerships in order to treat them.

First Dr. Perkis divided intimate violence into four levels of
severity: verbal aggression; threats of physical aggression; moderate
physical aggression; and severe physical aggression. "These four
levels follow one another in an escalating sequence; someone who uses
verbal violence might well move on over time to threatening physical
attack, and from there it is only downhill towards acting on the
threat," she explains. Dr. Perkis warns however, that the results of
this study should not be correlated to cases of murder, since the
dynamics between couples in such cases are different and such offenses
are not included in the chain of violent acts being examined.

The researcher found that acting on each type of violence is
calculated, such that the violence constitutes a tool for solving
conflict between the partners. "Neither of the couple sits down and
plans when he or she will swear or lash out at the other, but there is
a sort of silent agreement standing between the two on what limits of
violent behavior are 'ok', where the red line is drawn, and where
behavior beyond that could be dangerous," she explains. She adds that
when speaking of one-sided physical violence, most often carried out
by men, the violent side understands that for a slap, say, he will not
pay a very heavy price, but for harsher violence that is not included
in the 'normative' dynamic between them, he might well have to pay a
higher price and will therefore keep himself from such behavior. "A
'heavy price' could be the partner's leaving or reporting the incident
to the police or the workplace. As such, it can be said that violent
behavior is not the result of loss of control and both sides are aware
of where the red line is drawn, even if such an agreement has never
been spoken between them," she says.

According to Dr. Perkis, it is important to point out that use of
violence is not a normative behavior; it is illegal, and of course,
immoral. Therefore, it is only the violent partner who is culpable for
the act. Nevertheless, once we understand that violence is being used
as a tool for solving conflict between a couple that is interested in
staying together, we can help them subdue such behavior by providing
them with better tools to cope with the source of tension and conflict
in their lives together.

"In couples therapy for partners who express the wish to stay
together, therapy must be focused on identifying illegitimate motives,
such as nonnormative tactics for solving conflict, and assisting the
couple in acknowledging their ability to convert destructive patterns
into effective ones and ultimately to run their lives better," the
researcher concludes.

Source: University of Haifa (news : web)
http://www.physorg.com/news175173699.html