On Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:24:07 +0000, Maria 
wrote:

>>> I'm no expert, or lawyer, or child psy, but I think I have learned one
>>> thing, from having 6 children of my own, coming from a family of 15
>>> children, and having gone through various family conflicts over the
>>> decades

more than many a dullard psychologist ever does

> - *the child most trusts the person who is calm (not cold),
>>> rocksteady (not benign), reliable (not boring), who takes it on the chin*.
>>> What the child seeks most is stability - you can give her that but you
>>> *have* to stand back, take a look at what you and your ex are doing
>>> objectively, and calm down. If the ex doesn't calm down, all the better
>>> for you.
>>> I fear for you that if you keep on like this, you *will* lose the child,
>>> and suddenly your pride will not seem to matter so much...the child may
>>> lose herself, and her life will be ruined.
>> 
>> He should not involve the child in lies - lies of the mother, or lies
>> of his own.  
>
>Agreed - which is why I consider it better to remain calm and rational 
>to the child - something she may appreciate at the moment. He doesn't 
>have to say anything - she will ask when she is prepared to listen and 
>possible believe.
>
>>The child needs the truth. 
>
>See above. The child needs the truth, but that simply may not be 
>possible *at this moment in time*.
>
>> He should not acquiesce in a
>> lying situation.
>
>What is the alternative to acquiescence if the other party cannot/will 
>not believe you?

your post is entirely logical and sane....as so often...

regards

-- 
web site at www.abelard.org - news comment service, logic, economics 
 energy, education, politics, etc over 1 million document calls in year past
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  all that is necessary for       []     walk quietly and carry
  the triumph of evil is that     []           a big stick.
  good people do nothing     []    trust actions not words
                    only when it's funny -- roger rabbit
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------