Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
A: The Pope died a virgin.

Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
A: Not Maddie, LOL.

Herbert formulated the question :
> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
> A: The Pope died a virgin.
>
> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
> A: Not Maddie, LOL.

I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.

In article <mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid>, Bernice Collins 
says...
> Herbert formulated the question :
> > Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
> > A: The Pope died a virgin.
> >
> > Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
> > A: Not Maddie, LOL.
> 
> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
> 
Go get a fucking life, you miserable cunt.


-- 
Conor

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

"Bernice Collins" <nospam@nospam.invalid> wrote in message 
news:mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid...
> Herbert formulated the question :
>> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
>> A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>
>> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>
> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>

On what grounds?

The jokes may be sick and not that funny but the police may find it 
hilarious that you would even consider reporting it.

As another poster said..."get a life".

MC

<uk.media.tv.misc>
<MC>
<Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:48:20 +0100>


> As another poster said..."get a life".
> 

Where does one purchase a life ? .

I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .


-- 
www.vhit.co.uk

Krustov wrote:
> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <MC>
> <Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:48:20 +0100>
> 
>
>> As another poster said..."get a life".
>>
>
> Where does one purchase a life ? .
>
> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .

I can do you one at a very reasonable price, all I need is a up front 
deposit of £100,000 and then your bank details for yearly payments for 
upgrades etc.

-- 
Cheerz - Brownz
Beta TR34 (Ring ding ding ding pop pop)
http://www.brownz.org/

<uk.media.tv.misc>
<Brownz (Mobile)>
<Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:14:10 GMT>
<6jFFi.4229$HW.2245@newsfe3-gui.ntli.net>

> >> As another poster said..."get a life".
> >>
> >
> > Where does one purchase a life ? .
> >
> > I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .
> 
> I can do you one at a very reasonable price, all I need is a up front 
> deposit of £100,000 and then your bank details for yearly payments for 
> upgrades etc.
> 
> -- 
> Cheerz - Brownz
> Beta TR34 (Ring ding ding ding pop pop)
> http://www.brownz.org
> 

I suggest you spend £99,950 of it on your website .


-- 
(c) The Amazing Krustov

"Bernice Collins" <nospam@nospam.invalid> wrote in message 
news:mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid...
> Herbert formulated the question :
>> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John 
>> Paul II?
>> A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>
>> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>
> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>
>

Is 'Sick Bastard' an offence?

AC

Krustov wrote:
> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <MC>
> <Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:48:20 +0100>
> 
>
>> As another poster said..."get a life".
>>
>
> Where does one purchase a life ? .
>
> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .

It was a special edition of the Vauxhall Corsa - the one exactly the same as 
all the rest, but with a stupid logo on the side.
-- 
MrBitsy

"Krustov"  wrote in message 
news:MPG.21512d397450635b98acc6@news.newsreader.com...
> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <MC>
> <Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:48:20 +0100>
> 
>
>> As another poster said..."get a life".
>>
>
> Where does one purchase a life ? .
>
> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .


You can buy kiddies at supermarkets.  I've seen young mothers taking their 
new purchases to the till in a trolley.  Does that count?

-- 
The DervMan
www.dervman.com

AC wrote:
> "Bernice Collins" <nospam@nospam.invalid> wrote in message 
> news:mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid...
>> Herbert formulated the question :
>>> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John 
>>> Paul II?
>>> A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>>
>>> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>>> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>>
>>
> 
> Is 'Sick Bastard' an offence?
> 
> AC 
> 
> 
Nah he's fat bastards brother

On 11 Sep, 22:40, Bernice Collins <nos...@nospam.invalid> wrote:
> Herbert formulated the question :
>
> > Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
> > A: The Pope died a virgin.
>
> > Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
> > A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>
> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.

I wouldn't bother. They've already heard these jokes.
Cheers
Jeff

On Wed, 12 Sep 2007 00:34:22 -0700, Jeff Lawrence
 wrote:

>On 11 Sep, 22:40, Bernice Collins <nos...@nospam.invalid> wrote:
>> Herbert formulated the question :
>>
>> > Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
>> > A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>
>> > Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>> > A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>>
>> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>
>I wouldn't bother. They've already heard these jokes.
>Cheers
>Jeff

Their old jokes anyway. I heard them at the secret policeman's ball!





--










Hansom <0>++<0>




Avoid the rush at the last judgement. Be converted now instead!


PRAYER FOR A NATION


When Pastor Joe Wright, of Central Christian Church, was asked 
to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting
 the usual politically correct generalities. 
But what they heard instead was this:

Heavenly Father, we come before You today to ask Your forgiveness 
and seek your direction and guidance. 
We know Your Word says, 
‘Woe on those who call evil good,’ but that’s exactly what we have done. 
We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that:

We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it pluralism;

We have, worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism;

We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle;

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery; 

We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation; 

We have killed our unborn and called it choice; 

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem; 

We have abused power and called it political savvy;

We have coveted our neighbour’s possessions and called it ambition;

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression;

We have ridiculed the time-honoured values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, 0 God, and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; 
cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have 
been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by You, to govern this great state.

Grant them Your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the centre of Your will. I ask it in the name of Your Son, the Living Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.”


                      ****************

"Bernice Collins" <nospam@nospam.invalid> wrote in message 
news:mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid...
> Herbert formulated the question :
>> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
>> A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>
>> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>
> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>
>
they wont be in the slightest interested but i agree it is sick

In article <mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid>, 
nospam@nospam.invalid says...
> Herbert formulated the question :
> > Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
> > A: The Pope died a virgin.
> >
> > Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
> > A: Not Maddie, LOL.
> 
> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
> 

I wouldn't bother. I should think the police have probably come up with 
some funnier ones by now.

-- 
eric
www.ericjarvis.co.uk
"live fast, die only if strictly necessary"

In article , 
me@privacy.net says...
> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <MC>
> <Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:48:20 +0100>
> 
> 
> > As another poster said..."get a life".
> 
> Where does one purchase a life ? .
> 
> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .
> 

I'm afraid they are no longer available for sale. You may rent one at 
quite a reasonable rate from any good supermarket.

-- 
eric
www.ericjarvis.co.uk
"live fast, die only if strictly necessary"

On Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:08:03 +0100, Escargot Cult
 wrote:

>In article , 
>me@privacy.net says...
>> <uk.media.tv.misc>
>> <MC>
>> <Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:48:20 +0100>
>> 
>> 
>> > As another poster said..."get a life".
>> 
>> Where does one purchase a life ? .
>> 
>> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .
>> 
>
>I'm afraid they are no longer available for sale. You may rent one at 
>quite a reasonable rate from any good supermarket.

uk.rec.gardening is not really the sort of place to look for answers,
very few qualify in this subject. 



--










Hansom <0>++<0>




Avoid the rush at the last judgement. Be converted now instead!


PRAYER FOR A NATION


When Pastor Joe Wright, of Central Christian Church, was asked 
to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting
 the usual politically correct generalities. 
But what they heard instead was this:

Heavenly Father, we come before You today to ask Your forgiveness 
and seek your direction and guidance. 
We know Your Word says, 
‘Woe on those who call evil good,’ but that’s exactly what we have done. 
We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that:

We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it pluralism;

We have, worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism;

We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle;

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery; 

We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation; 

We have killed our unborn and called it choice; 

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem; 

We have abused power and called it political savvy;

We have coveted our neighbour’s possessions and called it ambition;

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression;

We have ridiculed the time-honoured values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, 0 God, and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; 
cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have 
been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by You, to govern this great state.

Grant them Your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the centre of Your will. I ask it in the name of Your Son, the Living Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.”


                      ****************

On Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:06:07 +0100, "@@^>"  wrote:

>uk.rec.gardening is not really the sort of place to look for answers,
>very few qualify in this subject. 

Fix your sig, sunshine, there's a good chap.
-- 
JAF     anarchatntlworldfullstopcom
CBA to do a sig.

On Wed, 12 Sep 2007 15:22:51 GMT, JAF 
wrote:

>On Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:06:07 +0100, "@@^>"  wrote:
>
>>uk.rec.gardening is not really the sort of place to look for answers,
>>very few qualify in this subject. 
>
>Fix your sig, sunshine, there's a good chap.

Why is my tail hanging out?



--










Hansom <0>++<0>




Avoid the rush at the last judgement. Be converted now instead!


PRAYER FOR A NATION


When Pastor Joe Wright, of Central Christian Church, was asked 
to open the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting
 the usual politically correct generalities. 
But what they heard instead was this:

Heavenly Father, we come before You today to ask Your forgiveness 
and seek your direction and guidance. 
We know Your Word says, 
‘Woe on those who call evil good,’ but that’s exactly what we have done. 
We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that:

We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it pluralism;

We have, worshipped other gods and called it multiculturalism;

We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle;

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery; 

We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation; 

We have killed our unborn and called it choice; 

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem; 

We have abused power and called it political savvy;

We have coveted our neighbour’s possessions and called it ambition;

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression;

We have ridiculed the time-honoured values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, 0 God, and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; 
cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have 
been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by You, to govern this great state.

Grant them Your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the centre of Your will. I ask it in the name of Your Son, the Living Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.”


                      ****************

On Wed, 12 Sep 2007 16:47:36 +0100, "@@^>"  wrote:

>Why is my tail hanging out?

I give in.
Is it because you haven't learned to dress yourself yet?


KF'ed.


-- 
JAF     anarchatntlworldfullstopcom
CBA to do a sig.

Alan wrote:
> "Bernice Collins" <nospam@nospam.invalid> wrote in message
> news:mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid...
>> Herbert formulated the question :
>>> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John
>>> Paul II? A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>>
>>> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>>> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>>
>> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>>
>>
> they wont be in the slightest interested but i agree it is sick

....and not even funny! How about;

I can sympathise with the Italians over the loss of Pavarotti... I know 
what
it feels like to lose a tenner!

Krustov wrote:
> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <Brownz (Mobile)>
> <Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:14:10 GMT>
> <6jFFi.4229$HW.2245@newsfe3-gui.ntli.net>
>
>>>> As another poster said..."get a life".
>>>>
>>>
>>> Where does one purchase a life ? .
>>>
>>> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .
>>
>> I can do you one at a very reasonable price, all I need is a up front
>> deposit of £100,000 and then your bank details for yearly payments
>> for upgrades etc.
>>
>
> I suggest you spend £99,950 of it on your website .

I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me with 
someone who gives a flying f*ck.

-- 
Cheerz - Brownz
Beta TR34 (Ring ding ding ding pop pop)
http://www.brownz.org/

"Stephen O'Connell"  wrote in message 
news:SDVFi.22048$j7.398621@news.indigo.ie...
> Alan wrote:
>> "Bernice Collins" <nospam@nospam.invalid> wrote in message
>> news:mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid...
>>> Herbert formulated the question :
>>>> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John
>>>> Paul II? A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>>>
>>>> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>>>> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>>>
>>> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>>>
>>>
>> they wont be in the slightest interested but i agree it is sick
>
> ....and not even funny! How about;
>
> I can sympathise with the Italians over the loss of Pavarotti... I know 
> what
> it feels like to lose a tenner!
>
Now that IS funny!!

<uk.media.tv.misc>
<Brownz (Mobile)>
<Wed, 12 Sep 2007 18:09:53 GMT>
<RXVFi.40854$ph7.10324@newsfe5-win.ntli.net>

> >>>> As another poster said..."get a life".
> >>>>
> >>>
> >>> Where does one purchase a life ? .
> >>>
> >>> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .
> >>
> >> I can do you one at a very reasonable price, all I need is a up front
> >> deposit of £100,000 and then your bank details for yearly payments
> >> for upgrades etc.
> >>
> >
> > I suggest you spend £99,950 of it on your website .
> 
> I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me with 
> someone who gives a flying f*ck
> 

Tickled yer fancy did i :-))


-- 
(c) The Amazing Krustov

Krustov wrote:
> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <Brownz (Mobile)>
> <Wed, 12 Sep 2007 18:09:53 GMT>
> <RXVFi.40854$ph7.10324@newsfe5-win.ntli.net>
>
>>>>>> As another poster said..."get a life".
>>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> Where does one purchase a life ? .
>>>>>
>>>>> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .
>>>>
>>>> I can do you one at a very reasonable price, all I need is a up
>>>> front deposit of £100,000 and then your bank details for yearly
>>>> payments for upgrades etc.
>>>>
>>>
>>> I suggest you spend £99,950 of it on your website .
>>
>> I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me
>> with someone who gives a flying f*ck
>>
>
> Tickled yer fancy did i :-))

You couldn't reach *that* low sonny.

-- 
Cheerz - Brownz
Beta TR34 (Ring ding ding ding pop pop)
http://www.brownz.org/

In article , 
me@privacy.net says...
> Where does one purchase a life ? .
> 
> I've searched google and cant find anywhere that sells them .
> 
You need to show how 31337 you are by downloading a Warez one.
-- 
Carl Robson
Audio stream: http://www.bouncing-czechs.com:8000/samtest
Homepage: http://www.bouncing-czechs.com

<uk.media.tv.misc>
<Brownz (Mobile)>
<Wed, 12 Sep 2007 18:36:50 GMT>
<6lWFi.40855$ph7.36543@newsfe5-win.ntli.net>

> >> I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me
> >> with someone who gives a flying f*ck
> >>
> >
> > Tickled yer fancy did i :-))
> 
> You couldn't reach *that* low sonny.
> 

At school tomnorrow i'm going to give everybody your url so they can 
have a good laugh at your website .


-- 
(c) The Amazing Krustov

Krustov wrote:
> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <Brownz (Mobile)>
> <Wed, 12 Sep 2007 18:36:50 GMT>
> <6lWFi.40855$ph7.36543@newsfe5-win.ntli.net>
>
>>>> I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me
>>>> with someone who gives a flying f*ck
>>>>
>>>
>>> Tickled yer fancy did i :-))
>>
>> You couldn't reach *that* low sonny.
>>
>
> At school tomnorrow i'm going to give everybody your url so they can
> have a good laugh at your website .

Excellent, free hits, you sir are a true gent, no matter what everyone else 
says.

-- 
Cheerz - Brownz
Beta TR34 (Ring ding ding ding pop pop)
http://www.brownz.org/

<uk.media.tv.misc>
<Brownz (Mobile)>
<Wed, 12 Sep 2007 23:12:54 GMT>
<Wn_Fi.40880$ph7.1348@newsfe5-win.ntli.net>

> >>>> I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me
> >>>> with someone who gives a flying f*ck
> >>>>
> >>>
> >>> Tickled yer fancy did i :-))
> >>
> >> You couldn't reach *that* low sonny.
> >>
> >
> > At school tomnorrow i'm going to give everybody your url so they can
> > have a good laugh at your website .
> 
> Excellent, free hits, you sir are a true gent, no matter what everyone else 
> says.
> 

But they wont be laughing with you - they will be laughing at you .


-- 
(c) The Amazing Krustov

Krustov  wrote:

> <uk.media.tv.misc>
> <Brownz (Mobile)>
> <Wed, 12 Sep 2007 18:36:50 GMT>
> <6lWFi.40855$ph7.36543@newsfe5-win.ntli.net>
> 
> > >> I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me
> > >> with someone who gives a flying f*ck
> > >>
> > >
> > > Tickled yer fancy did i :-))
> > 
> > You couldn't reach *that* low sonny.
> > 
> 
> At school tomnorrow i'm going to give everybody your url so they can 
> have a good laugh at your website .

Says the man with *the* most unintuitive site I've ever had the
misfortune to use.
-- 
SteveH 'You're not a real petrolhead unless you've owned an Alfa Romeo'
www.italiancar.co.uk - Honda VFR800 - Hongdou GY200 - Alfa 75 TSpark
Alfa 156 TSpark - B6 Passat 2.0TDI SE - COSOC KOTL
BOTAFOT #87 - BOTAFOF #18 - MRO # - UKRMSBC #7 - Apostle #2 - YTC #

<uk.media.tv.misc>
<SteveH>
<Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:59:51 +0100>
<1i4ctev.sip89xgrov28N%steve@italiancar.co.uk>

> > > >> I suggest you take a running jump; as you seem to be confusing me
> > > >> with someone who gives a flying f*ck
> > > >>
> > > >
> > > > Tickled yer fancy did i :-))
> > > 
> > > You couldn't reach *that* low sonny.
> > > 
> > 
> > At school tomnorrow i'm going to give everybody your url so they can 
> > have a good laugh at your website .
> 
> Says the man with *the* most unintuitive site I've ever had the
> misfortune to use
> 

Its nice to know i excel at something :-))


-- 
(c) The Amazing Krustov

"Bernice Collins" <nospam@nospam.invalid> wrote in message 
news:mn.5d147d79196431de.67894@nospam.invalid...
> Herbert formulated the question :
>> Q: What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Pope John Paul II?
>> A: The Pope died a virgin.
>>
>> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
>> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
>
> I'm passing this on to the police, you sick bastard.
>
>

They already have a couple of suspects...

In article , 2ncp75@ao.org says...
> Q: Knock Knock... Who's There?
> A: Not Maddie, LOL.
> 
PMSL!
-- 

Dom Robinson	  Gamertag: DVDfever      email: dom at dvdfever dot co dot uk
/* http://DVDfever.co.uk (editor)
/* 1135 DVDs, 351 games, 338 CDs, 110 cinema films, 42 concerts, videos & news
/* notes on a scandal, armored core 4, if..., marillion, flatout 3, alfie
             New music charts - http://dvdfever.co.uk/music.shtml
           Youtube - http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=DVDfeverDom