Ah yes. You will enjoy this.
I had a cracker of a shit last night. I woke up feeling as if a
thing with the same dimensions as an artic truck was pressing
down very hard on my rectal sphincters. It felt as though my
arse was about to explode. I managed to get my butt over the
lavy pan just in time. I thought my rectum was going to be torn to
shreds. The shit had the girth and shape of a very very large 
elongated egg plant. The tail came right up to the rim. As it pulled
away from the back of my throat, my eyes were drawn into the back
of my head, and my ears popped! I thought my whole insides were
about to drop into the pan! It took ages to flush away. Mind you I 
slept like a log after it.