What can I say... OCD is a horrible horrible disease [states the obvious]. 
I do hope yours lets up soon, you sound about done in.  OCD generally does 
go up and down... that's the only reason I'm still around to be honest.  I'm 
sorry I haven't replied before.  I only use the Net once every few days, so 
I didn't know you'd written.

> i need help, there isn't any. Need to get out of here.
> Huge hole in the wall downstairs. Too much stress. Wrecking everything
> in fits of rage. Gonna cost me a lot. Need to go to hospital, but
> afraid of swine flu and psychiatrists.

Have you had trouble with psychiatrists before?  Some of them are great with 
OCD, some of them are utterly useless.  Luck of the draw.

>Took lots of pills, maybe can sleep long time. Need to sleep for long
>time. Through the winter, swine flu gonna kill everyone my age and
>overweight. They said so in the news. Seroquel making me gain weight,
>and Clonazepam making me stupid. I need to sleep.

That's a load of old tosh about the swine flu.  Don't believe everything you 
hear on the news.  As far as I know, swine flu is no worse than ordinary flu 
at the moment, only easier to catch.  What are the scientific names of 
Seroquel and Clonazepam?  The brand names are all different in Britain.

>What's it like to have : health, friends , a sex life , a social
>life , a stable job, financial stability, paid vacations, employer
>benefits, hope, laughter, a future, mental peace of mind./ what's it
>like to gave anything good in life ?

No good asking me ;-)
No, really.  You'll have them one of these days.

>Sorry to disturb you, all alone with it ya know ? Late at night. Need
>the pills.

>Parents making me crazy. nothing works. pills, psychiatry, education,
>jobs, social programs, laws, bureaucracy, everything is
>broken.......upside down, FUBAR completely fucked up FUBAR....

God Bless America.
It needs it.  What kind of country calls itself civilised and can't even get 
you proper treatment.

What exactly does your OCD do?  You said something about "lists and 
repetitions", could you enlarge?  Might possibly be able to advise, if I 
knew what you were up against.  Not that I'm an expert or anything, but I've 
read a lot about using CBT and other treatments, and I have a good memory. 
It'd be more use than hoping for professional help and NOT GETTING ANY.

Post whenever you need to.  Anything that helps.  (Just don't rely on 
getting a quick answer ;-))  Hope you're feeling better now.
Take care,
A. B.